Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
