Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm really into asian looking animals
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
