I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
