Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
