youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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