I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
false alarm. still invincible.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
