She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
whose parrot is this?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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