before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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