she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
