A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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