if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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