Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
