I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
