If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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