i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
