Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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