I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
