"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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