Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
