Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
