i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
