Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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