I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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