I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
