explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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