My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize