They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
