there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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