i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
