i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
