I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
