Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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