WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
