I heard we made out
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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