Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
