Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
