He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Alive.
So much puke
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
