No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
