i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
