So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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