it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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