i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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