Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
