everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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