..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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