all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
