i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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