Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
