I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize