In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
why is half of my head shaved?
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