Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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