Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
