dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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