I faked an abortion last night.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
