living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
