This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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