i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
