is your mom at the bar?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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