"it" just moved
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
