the condom got lost in my hair
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the raccoons are back...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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