You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
