that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
