Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize