she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hippo gnu deer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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